Nov 3, 2014

Passion

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Warning: Heavy, spiritually inclined, half-baked coffee-table gyaan. Words Dharma, characteristic, transition, letting go, passion appear in the post.

Every time a passion leaves you, or you leave it, a void appears.

You can sense the fact that the passion will cease to exist. But it is your Dharma to be kind to yourself, to try to hold on, to see to it that you don't beat up your heart or mind into letting go. You have to give your senses the chance to know that it is going. Perhaps, already gone.

It is only then that you can let go respectably.

You have to be kind to yourself, and to others as well.

The passion is leaving, because it was not meant to be the part of your life. Just a part.

Respect it, it has served you. And you understood life better by serving it.

It is the truth of that passion. It has to go. But it is the truth of your characteristic, that you have to try to mend things.

You let a child discover for itself many things that you know do not work. You have to let your heart and mind discover for itself that that passion has stopped working.

The void is painful. (even if that sounds contradictory). It makes you try harder to mend things.

Be aware of what is happening. Try only what you can. Find times to step back and take a stock of things from a distance. That will give you the strength to make fewer mistakes during this transition.

Oct 12, 2014

Extreme Individualism and Lessons

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Extreme individualism. That was the phase I was in when I came across Atlas Shrugged. And what better fuel could that extreme individualism get! Working day and night, working alone, not needing or wanting anyone to interfere.. deciding what I want and deciding to focus on just I. "My life". I ended up disrespecting many people who mattered. Neglecting them. And I guess I paid the price.

Luckily, I came out of that phase quite quickly. It took one single episode to bring me out of the extreme. Afterwards I realized that some injuries from that phase healed with time but some damages were permanent. I used to think that I had to go through that phase to understand myself better. But at what cost?

I simply regret what happened. All the disrespect and neglect I had for people who matter the most.. and everything was wrapped so well in arguments that I couldn't see what I was doing.

Once I came out of the extremity, I remember re-reading that book to find the 'fault' in the arguments.. It had an answer to every question I could raise at that time. I guess either that book is extremely well written, or I was not able to find the loophole I wanted to see.

I stopped reading the book. And I realized there was no need to fight with those arguments. I could simply ignore them. Just because you can't prove something's right does not mean it is not right. You may not be capable enough to prove your point. But you may still be good enough to see the right point, without any explicit explanation. Words are just tools, used to communicate, express, decorate. Some craftsmen use them well. Others don't. Good literature need not be right. And verbal description or derivation may not be always available for the right points.

Now I know that I need not accept every challenge that comes my way. And more importantly, I should not surrender just because I couldn't 'win' a debate in an event (or many events).

But of course, even today, the right things are not always visible. Sometimes I make mistakes by ignoring my intuition. Sometimes, by assuming the wrong.

I am glad that I have this bit figured out that words are different than intentions. Also that if we can't 'see' or derive things, it doesn't mean they don't exist.

I hope I learn to use these lessons in routine life. I still have to learn to understand others. Empathize. Rely. Develop my intuition. Communicate that intuition (with myself, and others)

Long journey, ha?

Sep 11, 2014

Horcrux: Sans Belief

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Belief is a wonderful thing. If you have it, you have enough. And if you lose it, nothing can make up for it.

How people carry on with things, even after losing their belief in those things, is a big puzzle for me.

How can you do something that you don't believe in? Doing that is disconnecting your'self' from your decisions. It is somewhat like creating a horcrux. Where you just want to carry on so bad that you would agree to even weaken your soul. Except that, here, you (may or) may not perform an act of extreme cruelty against anyone else other than yourself.

I hope I never have to make such a horcrux in my life.

Jul 21, 2014

Resonance : অনুরণন (Anuranan)

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Yeah. There's a movie with that name. Kind of ordinary movie, except for this concept. Resonance.
And this one concept makes that movie unforgettable.

I watched that movie in Bengali, which I do not understand, save for the sanskrit words. So I guess I only got the essence. But that was enough to convey this concept.

The hero returns from an official site visit, completely mesmerized by Kangchenjunga. And when his friend wishes she could see the mountain, he takes her to The Great Banyan in Kolkata. The Kangchenjunga is resonated through The Great Banyan. There is no comparison between a mountain and a tree. But they both convey the same quality. And give rise to same emotions.

Many times, our thoughts seem to jump from one memory to another. These memory can seem to be completely unconnected. But our mind doesn't care about that. It wants to jump, and it does.

When I revised some of those "jumps" with the concept of Resonance, I started seeing the connection between different memories.

Last monsoon, I was in a remote (think as remote as you can) village in central India. And the aggressive rains and winds made the bamboos sway to their wish, as if in a trance. That scene got registered in my mind. For a long time I did not see any reason for the strong emotion I felt for that memory. But then I realized that it resonated some of the choreography I adored. The Khwaja song from the movie Jodha-Akbar, My Wish Comes True from Kisna. Yeah! I know! Difficult for anyone to see the resonance unless I show them the exact scenes. But I wonder if the visuals would reveal the resonance anyway! The bamboo was resonating the strong emotions associated with those songs. They all had the devotion, submission and claim that one thinks of, when one wonders about the most precious desires of the heart.

Recently, I made a simple spelling mistake on mobile. Which was a result of muscle memory taking charge in a moment of absent-mindedness. And that resonated the dancer in my past, wanting to gain control of her muscle memory. So that she could switch between 'autopilot' and 'self-drive' whenever she wanted. The madness I've experienced for dance jumped from my past and caught me unaware. Left me with an awe. Now I could see that dancer from a distance. After exiting that madness. And after realizing that the madness hasn't really left me, it is still there, waiting to pounce itself on me at the simplest of opportunity.

Maybe resonance is simply a romantic analogy for how our brain processes our memories and experiences. But it does go a long way, knowing things about us that not many can know. So it plays with us like not many can.

Feb 18, 2014

From The Dark To The Bright?

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We say with such simplicity that we want every color in our life.. then why do we dislike the dark phases so much? Why don't we accept them the way we accept the bright phases? The dark ones are also colors, aren't they? When we get surrounded by them, why do we suddenly start realizing that we don't like the dark colors?

Why is it so difficult to deal with situations when your loved ones suffer? When you see them in trouble, what makes you forget that everything in life provides you with a chance to learn and grow?

Vulnerability, is it cool only when we invite it in our life? Humbleness, does it shine only when we choose to see the glory of nature? Why do we believe that those who have received vulnerability from life are miserable?

Maybe tough times are not meant to test our toughness. Maybe such times want to teach us that while the solutions would be found with a cool head, the strength would come from the heart.

Then, how fortunate it is, that during such times, we get to see the love coming around? We see blessings, wishes and hopes pouring from all over, telling us that our canvas will be filled with all bright colors once again..

And so, we realize that our love isn't the only strength we have.. we also have another strength, which is not generated by us, and hence, not subjected to the weakness we suffer from.

To that strength then!