Price, Value, Perfection

So... You have an image in your mind. That perfectly clear image. That one perfect piece of art.

Wherever you go, you subconsciously compare every artifact with that image. Mostly, nothing comes near it. You smirk. You sigh. You carry on.

Then, behind a showcase of an odd shop... you see something that resembles that image. You can only see it from few angles. But it looks like a match. You feel curious. Even excited. You enter the shop.

You ask for the price. Of course it’s going to cost you more than you’re willing to pay! After all, it was the only artifact so far that looked promising. What do you do? Do you buy it? You say, ‘let me have a closer look...’ When you do take a closer look, seriously consider buying it, you start seeing the mismatched shades, unexpected curves. You realize that the so called clear image you had in your mind was not clear enough. You overlooked small details while imagining it which are quite surprising in reality. Did you want that particular color to be there? Or is it spoiling the way you’d like it?

Do you buy it? Do you not? It depends on both, the price and the value of the artifact. Are you afraid of the high price? Or is the perfect image so valuable to you that nothing less is acceptable?

Birthday, Art and Lollipop

Doesn't it feel stupid when someone says they'd forgotten their own birthday? How can that happen??? Alas! I almost forgot my birthday this time. And when yesterday granma reminded me that I turn 22 on 14th, I said "Big Deal". But nop. I was wrong. It IS a big deal!

22. Giving butterflies in my stomach. That number. This year is going to prove a turning point in life. Well, I have had many turning points previously, but I suspect they get bigger with my age. Another lollipop? Maybe. Or maybe multiple lollipops. Forget about what has life planned for me. As it normally happens with me, I am equally curious about what am I going to do with myself.

Recently a friend was telling me about crafting a delicate art-piece. You feel like completing it with one stroke of hand. But that can highly spoil the piece. Do it slowly, carefully, and it gets difficult to maintain steadiness and patience. Isn't life the same? It unfolds itself slowly, smoothly, only when the time comes. One stoke of hand hardly works here. Yes, sometimes, the single stroke is the only right thing to do. But those cases are rare. Wonder if I'll come across them some time soon?

HOLD IT ! !! !!!!

Am I going abstract again? That wasn't the plan. I'll just stop :D

Well, happy 22 to me!

Pani-Puri and Me

I have not had proper pani-puri since August! Can you beat that?
No big deal? Let me explain:

So, It all started two years back in my Third Year of Engineering. I started traveling 14Km daily (well, almost daily) to attend my college. In those 40 min journeys, I started noticing stalls with small, round, amazingly crispy yellow colored balls and pots full of spicy water. Long story short, I got addicted to pani-puri.

During that one year, I tasted pani-puri in many different areas in Pune. I can count 15 stalls I've visited the moment I think of it. Mind you, I was regular visitor of some of them! Sometimes, I visited new regions in the city just to taste pani-puri at some stall I heard about. Okey Okey. That happened only once. Maybe twice. But that did happen. How I remember that day!

I dragged my friend along with me to that particular stall. We walked. Ate pani-puri. While walking back, I picked up booch flowers from ground and started playing with them. (Booch flowers is another close-to-the-heart thing) It started raining. Heavily. And we traveled back to our respective homes, completely drenched. Both worried for the other's health! (It took me one hour to reach home. Some 20 mins for her.) Luckily, we both survived :D

Pani-puri is a sure-to-have thing when I go shopping with mom. Now that doesn't happen often, but whenever I do go shopping, I go with pani-puri in my mind. That's my way to survive shopping.

That same year I faced severe health problem which resulted in two surgeries. The first one cause of wrong diagnosis. The second one, the result of wrong treatment during the first :P Well, that slightly sobered my obsession. But I still crave for that delicious, mouth watering pure-Indian junk food.

I'm yet to find out a stall near my office. More I delay it, better for me :)


Aah......! Addiction!!

"Hence God Exists!"

I started doing some elementary mathematics this weekend. Well, it was forced on me to be frank. But it has been very refreshing so far. After spending recent times hearing and saying 'it depends' for almost every alternate question; something that does not depend on any temporary situation. Something that doesn't not change its face no matter when or where I see it.

Once my maths tutor asked us: "Tell me most important numbers/constants in mathematics." We all started giving him various constants: "PI", "e" , "0" , "i", "1". He listed all these on board.
"e"?, "Natural logarithm."
"PI"?, "Circle!"
"0"?, "Additive identity."
"1"?, "Multiplicative identity."
" and finally, i"?, "Imaginary numbers!!"

Then he wrote down an equation:

"e^(i*PI) + 1 = 0"

And he wrote down next to it: "Hence God exists!"

- To all of us, these constants came from really different sections. Having started with complex numbers recently, we all knew this statement as trivial. But when he presented it in such a splendid way, how all these constants form a wonderful tautology among themselves, we were mesmerized.

I've never heard such a convincing proposal for existence of God.

I used to wonder how Gypsies must be living their lives? I believe you can be a Gypsy only if you have certain stability inside you. Something that NEVER changes. When you don't have a home in the outside world, you have to have a home inside you, that you never leave. That's my idea of Gypsy.
That home, is God for me. God is that, which allows me to wander. To try. To fail. To win. Which ensures me that at the end of the day, I will remain Pankhuri irrespective of my adventures or foolish acts.

This mathematical formula has stayed in my mind ever since. A tautology. The ultimate truth. "Hence God exists!"...

Random thoughts

I was going to write some other post. But I changed my mind. Instead, I'm writing a "Random Post" that I wanted to try for a long time -

=> At the age of 22, (well, almost.) I've already started noticing patterns in my life. And I am not sure what I think of it.

=> I can become completely silent if a) I'm travelling b) I'm at a nature site c) I'm coding and, d) I'm eating.

=> Once a tiger enters your mind, it doesn't go!

=> Vividhbharati is a great radio station, provided, you know when to tune in.

=> I signed up for yet another dance performance :D

=> I finally put a Mickey Mouse sticker on my new office laptop. So now I have Mickey Mouse on both my laptops.

=> KK is an AMAZING singer!

=> I put Google Chrome on full screen mode. I don't know how to exit this mode. So now I'm browsing without seeing the Top-Menu and URL Box.

As a Human...

I wonder how life would be without Google. It's one of my crazy fantasies that Google should completely crash one day. I want to see how businesses go down with it, to what extend people feel helpless...

I'll be really happy if it doesn't invoke a crisis as I suspect. It shall be one of the happiest days for me. And if it did, I will finally have to accept that Google, and everything Google signifies, has become an unquestionable part of human life.

I see people rely more and more on computers, start putting things off our minds and in those chips, I keep feeling uncomfortable. Still, I'm not pulling off. I am questioning. But only passively. In fact, by being a programmer, I am contributing to the process from both sides.

I think the root of this restlessness is my opinion that human is just a humble creature. Whatever is holding the universe together is far more powerful, reliable, and complete and whatever you may please. Let's call that power 'Creator' for the sake of easier reference.

Not anything against the heroic in man. But was it the only way for us? IS this the only way for us? Was there no alternative way for building an intelligent society? Could we not work WITH nature (instead of against it) to grow?

But how could we go wrong as an entire race? How could man, the humble creature, make the Earth under the Creator's rule degrade to such extent? UNLESS! ... Is it meant to happen? I don't know if current situation is a systematically planned event in the Universe or an experiment in Universe going wrong. Another possibility is that of the Creator being cynical. If Creator is letting us make this mess... and learn that it was a mistake... will it be worth it?

"So what if I fail, At least I'd have tried my theory!" I say it so many times. I've LIVED it. What if, what if we as a human race, are doing the same thing on the largest scale possible? After all, curiosity, asking questions, seeking answers, experimenting are among the core characteristics of being human. We just decided to try out this route as a majority.

This brings me back to my original concern... If I believe in the possibility that 'we have been looking at it all wrong!' shouldn't I be seeking out the alternatives? Shouldn't I be looking at other theories proposed all around the world? Shouldn't I be trying them out?

Maybe I should. I know I won't for at least some time. Am I not strong enough? Maybe. That doesn't mean I don't have the right to question.

P.S. My next will be a joyful post. That's my word. :)

Attitude, Aptitude And Integrity

Background: This week was my first in ThoughtWorks University (TWU). It is a 6 week long program to introduce freshers to ThoughtWorks(TW) and train them for their roles. So here it goes..

I had not taken my college leaving very nicely. My college was my world and I had to leave it behind. Forever. Chapter 1 of life was over. I needed something to declare this end and mark the start of a fresh chapter.. Chapter 2. TWU turned out to be just the breakpoint I wanted.

Back home, I wasn't carrying out my duties that well. It had made me feel dull. A friend said: "Just be no-one for some time. Don't overburden yourself." At that time I wasn't sure if I'll be able to look at myself as a no-one. We all want to be hero of our own story, don't we? But here in TW; I start afresh. As a no-one. We were told during sessions that This is a proving ground. You are not on holiday. I think that's the only thing I do not connect with. I am on a rejuvenation trip here. I don't feel the desire to start with "To Prove". I simply don't want to lose any chance To Learn And Improve; both; technically and personally. Everyone here has something or the other you can learn from them. TW talks about "Best People" as one of their values. You gotta see it to believe it! I can learn so many things from other grads.. let alone the trainers!

The first few days we played a variety of games and had some outings. The games involved making our own song and singing it to 'The Song Lord', skipping, darting, wrapping a team-member with paper-rolls to make a human mummy... It all acted as ice-breaker. During a dinner party we girls had a hot-seat session.. We caught as many trainers as we could and one by one made them take the hot seat.. asked them why they looked nervous (with the intension of MAKING them nervous if they weren't).. and fired questions at them!

Many of the games/activities revealed talents, skills and interesting facts about people. Aweee! I am surrounded by unique individuals here!

We use various techniques to learn efficiently. Most of them are funny and all of them have interesting names.  Its simply impossible to explain them in one post. Here are few I thoroughly liked.. There's a Parking Lot. During sessions people ask questions. If the schedule does't permit the trainer to discuss that topic, it gets posted on what is called Parking Lot. Later, when we get spare time between sessions, topics are taken off the Parking Lot and discussed in more details. This way, current session is not interrupted and your doubt is not forgotten.
After each session you give feedback. It is divided into four quadrants: Things that didn't go that well, Things you learned and made you happy, Suggestions and Compliments to the speaker.
There is Quotations board. People write down all sorta quotes made during the day.. Funny, Embarrassing, quotes introducing a new concept and so on.
Then again every day we start with review in the morning, end with feedback, and have energieser after lunch where we usually stand in a biiiig huddle and make fun of ourselves.

Yeah.. I had thought TW means a lot of excitement which I may not find pleasant. But back then I hadn't 'experienced' the environment. Doesn't look like things are being forced on me.. I WANT to do things here. Best part is: you may not know exactly what is coming up. Instead, you can be sure that it carries the same ThoughtWorks Spirit in it! It's a collage.. mix of cultures, individuals, practices teams follow.. But everything is part of One Picture. The excitement complements the Collage. The One Picture, in turn, provides the stability that I seek.

I'm just 10 days old here. I'm sure things are still to be unfolded. But now I am hopeful that they'll be on the positive side.

So. Amazing people, good practices, clearly stated values, healthy pranks and lots of stories! The new chapter begins. Promising to be as fulfilling as the last one.

Design Patterns (Graphics as I enjoy it)

Disclaimer: Contains no technical insight, no tips and no showcase.

I changed my twitter theme and bingo! It's on the same lines as my blog's theme! White as the central color. This gives the page a wide feel. But I love to splash colors here and there. (Though I think I've done more than splashing on twitter!)

I also like to use my own work as profile images. Or the alternative, Cartoon characters. Same goes for my desktop wallpaper.

Although I do graphics just next to nothing; I am quite fond of my li'l graphics folder. I'm waiting to create a new graphics. Illustration? Photoshop? MS-Paint? Well, its been so long that I won't get repetitive no matter what I try.

Illustration shall be pretty cool. The flashy jazzy feel works for me. Starting in Adobe Illustrator and finishing in Photoshop => Perfect effect.

But if I go for a pure-Photoshop graphics it'll mostly be a landscape. I've always wanted to try landscape in Photoshop.

MS-Paint? Well, it still remains my MOST favorite application on my laptop. Though not most used. And I think it gives a special feel to the drawings, unlike the other tools I've seen. Then again, I feel most creative with Paint. It provides you very basic options. You have to create effects yourself. Not just give directions as you do in Photoshop. (I say "I work with the pixels directly. It is immensely satisfying." and people laugh. Never mind.)

Hmm.. I'm not into gadgets. When I feel like buying one, chances are that it'll be a pen tablet. The only argument being: if I prefer a pen over a mouse for drawing, why don't I draw on paper? Hopefully I'll restart that too. Soon. Amen.

The Prescription: Go Drive A Car Twice A Day

Ok. I've finally taken the steering wheel in my hands and started learning how to drive.

Driving is proving to be a detox. I realized I don't need even a few minutes to get lost in thoughts. Its so hard to concentrate on nothing but the road ahead. So while I learn to drive, I'll also have to practice emptying my mind and imagination. Going by this new learning of how asynchronised, irrelevant and never-ending thoughts I carry, it should help to rest my mind a bit. Huh! Never knew my mind's so restless..

Its one thing to empty my mind. Whenever the heavy-duty trucks cross me from the opposite side, I get an impulse to turn right and bang them!! No. I don't play midtown madness :P

But seriously, when you have a fear of something for a long time, its intensity starts varying... Since last month my fear of speed and traffic has reached a maxima.. As a passenger, I've closed my eyes when my car overtakes another, clutched my seat at sharp turns, even audibly gasped during one or two close cuts.. Taking driving lessons in such phase should, thus, help my confidence. If I break down my fear when its at the peak, I expect it to vanish at least for a considerable time, if not forever..

So, to summarize, driving's helping me get over my fear of traffic and speed, part one, and its helping me rest my mind, part two. AND, when I care to notice it, its also gonna help me *move* from one place in the town to another on my own! Cheers!!

जंगल जंगल बात चली है पता चला है..

Today, my 'great collection to be' started with my first series. An Original DVD Set. Not some torrent download! :D

The Jungle Book 'मोगली' series!

In HINDI! The way I saw it in childhood!

The DVD says it was published in 1993.. I was only 5 that time... Nice to know that my likings haven't changed much.. hehe..

Looks like there were only 52 episodes to that serial. Well, I have them all now. I have also started making a cloth-cover for the box. The box isn't a strong one.. n its gonna be used a lot too! :)

Ah!! First cartoon series I got! Made my day!!

Tom n Jerry, Garfield, Richie Rich, Duck Tales, Talespins, Gummy Bears, Looney Tunes,

Micky Mouse and Friends, Goof Troops,

Bonkers (well, people don't remember him much.. but he's one of the bestests toons out there :D)

Scooby Doo, The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Dextor, The Flinstones..

Oh WOW! Just saying all these names aloud is in itself soooo refreshing!

Well, ok.. about my 'great collection to be' -

I'd love to rob away the disney and warner brothers libraries. But by the time I find a way to do that,

Duck Tales, Talespins, Gummy Bears, Tarzon are the must must must haves.

Oh and talking about collecting series, There used to be this amazing Captain Vyom on DD.. I was a devoted viewer of that serial too! I wish I get that series from somewhere someday... Dunno if I'll enjoy it now? Maybe just for the sake of childhood memories maybe?

Haven't put any thought in this post.. Not composed it.. Well, when it comes to the classic cartoons I can not remain composed anyways :D :D :D Hakuna Matata my friends.. Hakuuuuuna Matata!!

Ahhhh! Long live Lord Disney!! N three cheers to Hanna Barbera!!!! Ohh Scooby Doo... WHERE ARE YOU??????

LOOK. AT. THAT.

Could it be...

Oh yes! It IS!!

But that's like; Wow. Yaar?.....

My dearest शुक्रतारा,

Welcome back.
Aaawweee..

Love this brightest star in the evening sky.

Who knows, like the early years, I may start waking up before sunrise just to have a look at it.!

Guess I was crazy even as a kid. It's not entirely Cummins's जादू.

Simply Done.

The other day, a friend of mine was playing with my cell phone; calling it "Baba Adam Ke Zamane Ka" piece both for its functionalities and the duration for which I've possessed it; and started playing ringtones (the legacy polyphonic ones) .. which I have used for as long as the handset itself.

Suddenly a soft ringtone was played. I looked up from my laptop and said, "This is your ringtone."

"Oh!" came the expression and the playing was stopped.

I realized the poor person had never thought/known about having a dedicated ringtone in my cell.. LOL!!

Material things DO convey feelings, you know. Not that you NEED them for it. I've many times smiled or grinned upon seeing such silly things around..

My birthday gift was kept besides my bookworm roommate's study books when I visited my (ex-)room few months later..

The most amazing applications on my laptop come from another friend; who gave them to me voluntarily, with full confidence that we both have similar liking in those.

A long list. Really.

I guess its so special because I know these things were not done to CONVEY anything. They were simply done.

Its All In Your Mind

And then something that you awaited comes in front of you.. You raise your hand towards it.. But before you could reach it, it goes away. Leaving you thirstier and hungrier. This keeps happening over and over again. The feeling of 'just missed it..' becomes your companion.

"Who are you? You are your habits." My teacher used to say. Whenever I reach the level of a strange pain that can neither be fully felt nor be ignored; these words show me a way of correcting the wrong.

Words have a healing power. Just like the evening sky. Just like the presence of a loved one in your mind.

Ultimately, every happiness needs to flow out FROM YOU. God embraces you not when you cry out with pain; but when you laugh out with joy.

तिन्ही लोक आनंदाने भरून गाऊ दे रे

तुझे गीत गाण्यासाठी सूर लावू दे रे

तुझे गीत गाण्यासाठी सूर लावू दे रे

-Mangesh Padgaonkar

Dear God, Please give me the knowledge to sing your songs.. The songs of joy.. The songs of happiness.. The knowledge; to understand the essence of being human..

Oops! I didn't mean this..

Recently I tweeted about how certain people reflect their profession through their overall personality. And that I wish it happens to me one day..

But.

Back Pain?
Swollen Eyes?
Lack of sleep?

No. Please No.

I like my field. I enjoy programming. But by "reflecting through personality" I seriously do not mean reflecting through my body giving up...!

W H E N P A N K H U R I? When will you understand the importance of Hardware? You can't run any super-amazing code on a malfunctioning CPU!!

Damn! Looks like I AM bad with A-N-Y kinda hardware! I better study Embedded Systems and break the ice! (What a blunder to take that elective!! The only mistake I've regretted making in my four years stay in Cummins!! What-kind-of-stunt-was-that!!)

Hmpf! Mom says I'll improve after Exams. I hope she's right about this like she's right about most of her predictions about me :D

PS : I'll miss Cummins :D (now who said "single tracked mind"? :P)

My Trial Template [from draft.blogger.com]

I kinda started liking this template I chose the other day.. Its a colorful roll that contains various laces. Nice. I have atleast 20 odd templates downloaded right now. Will be finalizing one when I get enough time to try out all of them.

draft.blogger.com : They've got a Template Designer in Layout Manager. Worth a try. This one comes from there.

So Am I Growing Up?

I have many thoughts in my head right now.. well.. let me pick one...

Ohkey..

So this is about growing up. My college Mission Statement says:

Our Mission: To develop women professionals who are academically and technically sound with strong ethics and above all, good human beings.

Well, its actually a very nicely constructed statement. I can't ask for any more from my college.

But each time I read it during my initial years, I wonderd if I'll be able to meet the "WOMEN" professionals criteria! I've always thought of myself as a girl. Not as a woman.

Oh and just for the sake of clarity, I don't mean Woman as in Men and or v/s Women. I mean Woman as in a Child v/s a Grown Up.

Am I really going to become a Woman some day? And has that time come as close as my graduation ceremony? I wondered: Will Cummins (that's my college :) ) turn me into a Woman before lifting her protection and leaving me out in the open in this so called Outside World?

I always thought that all the funny situations I get into my college are simulated. No matter how badly I mess up, my teachers are always there to take care of the situation. Nothing can go wrong with me in Cummins. Everything is just a glimpse into what's waiting for me out there. I better prepare well. But even when I do poorly, its alright. And so, I enjoyed being a child. Being free to experiment. Applying my theories. And getting into troubles. :D

Now that I won't have this protection anymore, I've started feeling the desire to grow up.. Experiments will continue. But with more precautions. Now I play both roles. One is the child and other is the caretaker.

I've started experiencing that Life has a unique way to teach each person. All my how-does-that-happen-to-people doubts are now getting attention of The Teacher. I hope I get answers soon enough. And let the first question to get answered be:

How do people know if they care for ThoughtWorks more than their dreamed-ever-since FreakOut Year?

 

That may sound very childish or annoying to people. I am unable to judge. But I'm sorry if I disappoint anyone, I'm never stopping wishing, dreaming, and asking questions.

Missing You, More After Meeting You..

Today i met one of my friends after a long time. Actually i have been meeting him briefly but it has been with a lot of crowd around, or else just to pick up or drop something.

Today i got some 5 mins with only both of us and our hobby.. nothing else. no-one else. It was so much better than the hour-long meetings with everyone in the room.. Still, it wasn't enough for me. When i said bye, i kept feeling like going back to him and saying, "the hell! I haven't talked to you since months... You're not going anywhere for next 3 hours!!! :) :) :)" But alas.. Considering the roles we play among ourselves, even though i say lot of funny things to him, i didn't say this one aloud. And walked away. Now i think i'll call him and ask for a meeting anyways. Its just that, well, i don't wanna meet him in crowd. And today looked like last god given chance to meet him on his own..

Why???

Certain people have a flavor. A character. A something inside them that becomes their identity for you. And with some people, you can't see it in a crowd-y place. Not seeing it disturbs you. You start missing that person even more. (And you start cracking up about that person!) I don't know if the person in question is aware of this, but for you; you start taking all this affair as a bond that's shared by both of you, not visible to the outside world, not to be touched in presence of anyone who's not part of it, but silently acknowledged in the fashion in which none of you two touches it.

No. I "DON'T" wanna grow up once again!

well,

The 3 IDIOTS Again!

I did not want to write this post.. But I heard engineering students talk about how rightly the movie shows the torture every engineering student goes through n all.. And I decided.. LET ME WRITE

In my school (just like yours), any good(?) enough student would either go for engineering or medical. Till my 10th I had not heard of any degree beyond

1. BE / BTech

2. MBBS

3. BCom

4. BA

And because i didn't like bio at all.. i decided i'd become engineer. My parents never had to force me. Coz i grew up listening to Papa's and Mom's stories of their engineering years.. the fun part of it. About IIT and NIT.. and i decided i wanted to go to IIT too. That never happened. During my 11th and 12th I realized I had never known what other options i had.. and in light of the syllabus to be covered for IIT JEE, no time to look around and find out. What is it that i'd enjoy throughout my life..? Maybe i'm still searching for that one work that i can do for a really long time; do it proactively. So now here I am. Final year engineering.

Agree,

There are people who don't want to learn anything new here, just get the grades and get out of the torture of these 4 yrs. The torture is not just the exams or submissions.. the lectures and books is also a torture for them. That is because the system has forced engineering on them. Made them a scapegoat. Of course, what's wrong in the system is wrong.

But in some weird sense, I feel the system couldn't make a scapegoat out of ME cause ultimately I'M HAVING FUN HERE. Skip the grades.. I read the topics I enjoy. N i love to sit through the lectures (well, of most of the teachers).

Even the "good" teachers talk about grades and marking scheme and "this question is asked for so and so marks in the exam" and so. Sometimes it feels bad. Are they also trying to sell grades? But think about it.. Maybe that question coming in exam every year or so only means that that topic is an important concept in that subject..!

The world has been complaining about things ever since it existed. Generation after generation there are Same worries: the new generation is degrading... Same accusations: the old generation has put the system in wrong cycle... But well, the world's still a nice place to be in, isn't it?

For me, there's one hope. My Will To Live. Mind you, To Live. Not To Survive. As long as this Will exists in me, i'll always have the protection from the wrong in the system. There always will be some option. Some door will always remain open. So long as I am willing to walk through that door, I'll find a way to LIVE. Not for escaping the truth around me, and not for surrendering to it either. But simply to LIVE the life that's been gifted to me. Without having to sing "Give me another chance i wanna grow up once again".