Mar 11, 2010

So Am I Growing Up?

I have many thoughts in my head right now.. well.. let me pick one...

Ohkey..

So this is about growing up. My college Mission Statement says:
Our Mission: To develop women professionals who are academically and technically sound with strong ethics and above all, good human beings.

Well, its actually a very nicely constructed statement. I can't ask for any more from my college.

But each time I read it during my initial years, I wonderd if I'll be able to meet the "WOMEN" professionals criteria! I've always thought of myself as a girl. Not as a woman.

Oh and just for the sake of clarity, I don't mean Woman as in Men and or v/s Women. I mean Woman as in a Child v/s a Grown Up.

Am I really going to become a Woman some day? And has that time come as close as my graduation ceremony? I wondered: Will Cummins (that's my college :) ) turn me into a Woman before lifting her protection and leaving me out in the open in this so called Outside World?

I always thought that all the funny situations I get into my college are simulated. No matter how badly I mess up, my teachers are always there to take care of the situation. Nothing can go wrong with me in Cummins. Everything is just a glimpse into what's waiting for me out there. I better prepare well. But even when I do poorly, its alright. And so, I enjoyed being a child. Being free to experiment. Applying my theories. And getting into troubles. :D

Now that I won't have this protection anymore, I've started feeling the desire to grow up.. Experiments will continue. But with more precautions. Now I play both roles. One is the child and other is the caretaker.

I've started experiencing that Life has a unique way to teach each person. All my how-does-that-happen-to-people doubts are now getting attention of The Teacher. I hope I get answers soon enough. And let the first question to get answered be:
How do people know if they care for ThoughtWorks more than their dreamed-ever-since FreakOut Year?
 
That may sound very childish or annoying to people. I am unable to judge. But I'm sorry if I disappoint anyone, I'm never stopping wishing, dreaming, and asking questions.

5 comments:

  1. oy!
    have you considered that, taking into account the fact that you love puzzles, programs and algorithms in general, thoughtworks may just be your freak-out year?

    And yeah, what you've been saying all this time abt graduation just came home tonight. So much so, that I actually shed a few tears (buckets, more like) abt it.

    And I now get this feeling (maybe it's all those engg. exams) that no matter how well you prepare, you still are completely clueless. So, screw up, make mistakes, fall, and then brush it off and rise again. Repeat. :)

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  2. OH-MY-GOD!!!

    Y-O-U S-H-E-D T-E-A-R-S???

    So I am not complete Crackpot!

    N My freakout year and TW are totally opposite concepts.

    I am not exactly afraid of making mistakes. Just meant that in the world outside Cummins, I won't be praying to God to give me a Fail grade in any of the exams. No matter how silly that exam is :)

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  3. Yeah well, I shed tears. And my mom is of the opinion that I'm a bit on the crackpot side myself, so maybe you SHOULD get yourself examined. :P

    No, but seriously, what do you want for your freak-out year? I had a lot of theories abt a free year too, but I now think it's a bigger thrill if I act out those fantasies Alongwith whatever I'm supposed to be doing. More speed, more the headrush.

    And I forgot to tell you this in my first comment, but I loved your last paragraph. :)

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  4. I want no rush. No deadlines. I don't want any excitement. Just peace.

    I don't understand life as I want to understand it. I don't know my options. I want to find them out. And I need to spend some time with myself to understand what exactly I am looking for. To tell you the truth, THIS can't be found out in any cut-throat work environment.

    You know, I want to stop worrying about achievements.. just stop testing myself for some time.. Whatever I'm doing today doesn't seem right. I want to know what's right and what's not. I may be just as blank about all this at the end of my freakout year as now. But then I'd have given myself a fair chance?

    Its kinda opposite to what's there in TW :)

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  5. yeah, I get what you mean. It dawned on me suddenly that day I attended-friday I think. It's not the way I'd go if there was any other option,(I'd be scared stiff) but yeah, it'd be nice. Just to roam around, travel a bit, have fun, meet new people. It's just that I almost added 'work really hard' at the end of the list. I think that's what college is really supposed to be about, I just missed out on all that stuff.

    You know, a friend and I had decided to go backpacking together through India(or Europe) after her Twelfth and my graduation. I still indulge that dream sometimes. :)

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